All the Feels for Teens

PRAISE FOR

ALL THE FEELS FOR TEENS

As the dad of four amazing daughters,I believe All the Feels for

Teensis truly a godsend. Elizabeth’s book is winsome, witty, and

delightfully practical. Against a beautiful gospel backdrop, she

shows teen girls how God wonderfully designed their whole

being—including their emotions—for his glory, their good, and

the blessing of others. I’m definitely giving this book to my teens.

(BTW, it even made a fortysomething dad LOL...JSYK.)

JOSHUA COOLEY

New York Timesbestselling author whose books includeCreator, Father, King:

A One Year Journey with God;The One Year Devotions with Jesus;and Heroes

ofthe Bible Devotional

A must-read for teens—and their parents! Elizabeth Laing

Thompson is like the encouraging friend every teen needs in her

life. In All the Feels for Teens, she will make you laugh, sit with you

while you cry, and have you nodding in understanding, all while

consistently pointing you to the God who not only understands

your feelings but loves and adores youmore than you can fathom.

All the Feels for Teens is the right book for rightnow.

JENNIFER MARSHALL BLEAKLEY

Author of Joey and Pawverbs

I really liked this book. It helped me learn that Idon’t have to be

scared of my feelings, and it taught me how to feel more incontrol of

them and how to takethem to God. I like Mrs. Thompson’s writing

style, and I think most teenagers will find this book very helpful.

ELLA BLEAKLEY, AGE 14

This book is phenomenal. I found myself relating to every chapter

in some way, and I can honestly say that I understand myself better

(and understand who God says I am better) after reading this book.

Between the personal stories backed by Scripture and the moments

of self-reflection, All the Feels for Teens has allowed me to truly

understand my emotions. This book is full of laughs, but it’s also

full of relatable moments. No matter what type of feeler you are,

it will help you to understand what your emotions mean and what

God has to say about them.

GABRIELLA, AGE 17

All the Feels for Teens is an incredible book that changed how I view

my emotions in my walk with the Lord. Every story and Scripture

reference opened up a whole new world to me—one where God

wants us to come to him with our emotions rather than push them

down. This book will change the way you pray, read your Bible,

and just live your life. The knowledge that God cares about your

emotions will set you free.

ISABELLE, AGE 15

All the Feels for Teensis an awe-inspiring book, full of laughs and

encouraging stories backed by Scripture. It helped me understand

my emotions and how I process things. It helped me see myself as

the beautifully imperfect creation God made me to be. No matter

what kind of feeler you are, this book will change your perspective

on emotions.

REBEKAH, AGE 15

All the Feels for Teens is an extremely useful tool for self-growth and

understanding others better. Full of practical tips and prompts that

encourage self-reflection, this book reminds us that emotions are

special gifts that allow us to live fuller lives, but they don’t have to

rule over us. Using lessons continually supported by Scripture and

an engaging writing style, Elizabeth teaches us how to handle and

understand our emotions in a godly way, without underestimating

their complexity or depth.

ARIANA, AGE 16

ALL THE FEELS FOR TEENS

ALL THE FEELS

FOR TEENS

ELIZABETH

LAING THOMPSON

Visit Tyndale online at tyndale.com.

Visit the author online at ElizabethLaingThompson.com.

TYNDALE and Tyndale’s quill logo are registered trademarks of Tyndale House Ministries. Wander

and the Wander logo are trademarks of Tyndale House Ministries. Wander is an imprint of Tyndale

House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois.

All the Feels for Teens: The Good, the Not-So-Good, and the Utterly Confusing

reserved.

Edited by Stephanie Rische

Published in association with the literary agency of Kirkland Media Management, P.O. Box 1539,

Liberty, TX, 77575.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New

International Version,

NIV.

Used by

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation,

Tyndale House Publishers.

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Tyndale House

Publishers at csr[email protected], or call 1-855-277-9400.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Thompson, Elizabeth Laing, author.

Title: All the feels for teens : the good, the not-so-good, and the utterly

confusing / Elizabeth Laing Thompson.

Description: Carol Stream, Illinois : Tyndale House Publishers, [2021]

Identifiers: LCCN 2021006461 (print) | LCCN 2021006462 (ebook) | ISBN

9781496451071 (trade paperback) | ISBN 9781496451088 (kindle edition) |

ISBN 9781496451095 (epub) | ISBN 9781496451101 (epub)

Subjects: LCSH: Teenage girls—Religious life. | Christian

teenagers—Religious life. | Emotions in adolescence—Religious

aspects—Christianity.

Classification: LCC BV4551.3 .T53 2021 (print) | LCC BV4551.3 (ebook) |

DDC 248.8/33—dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021006461

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021006462

Printed in the United States of America

27 26 25 24 23 22 21

7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For Cassidy, Blake, Avery, and Sawyer:

with more love than words can hold

CONTENTS

CHAPTER 1 All the Feels, All the Time 1

CHAPTER 2 Finding Your Feeling Type 13

CHAPTER 3 When Feelings Tell Lies 27

CHAPTER 4 Who’s Calling the Shots? 43

CHAPTER 5 What God Has to Say to You 55

CHAPTER 6 Handling All the Feels at Home 67

CHAPTER 7 How God Feels about You 87

CHAPTER 8 When You Can’t Deal 99

CHAPTER 9 When Feelings Crash the Friendship Party 113

CHAPTER 10 Praying through All Your Emotions 129

CHAPTER 11 When Guilt Comes Knocking 143

CHAPTER 12 All the Swoons 157

CHAPTER 13 Social Media: The Good, the Bad,

and the Airbrushed 171

CHAPTER 14 Where Do We Go from Here? 185

All the Feels— Together! 197

Acknowledgments 209

About the Author 213

CHAPTER 1

ALL THE FEELS, ALL THE TIME

I still remember the first time I read the phrase all the feels. My

heart gave a little hiccup and I laughed to myself. All the feels?

Welcome to my world.

My big feelings made their dramatic appearance early in life—

just wait till I tell you about the time I cried so hard I got my dad

out of a speeding ticket!— but they hit new levels of intensity in

middle school and high school. Maybe you know what I’m talk-

ing about: joy ballooning in your chest till you think your heart

might pop, worry weighing down your soul till you forget how

to smile, excitement consuming your thoughts till your brain is

a blender.

Step into a classic example of how my feelings worked in high

school. (Who knows— maybe this conversation will feel familiar

to you . . .)

***

I barge through the front door, kick off my running shoes, and

slouch into the kitchen, heaving out my frustration in angry

huffs.

Mom stands at the counter, chopping carrots into tiny orange

cubes. She raises an eyebrow. “That bad, huh?”

“Worse.” I fling the refrigerator door open and lean inside,

wishing the cool air could cool off my feelings.

“What happened?” Mom asks.

I grab a yogurt out of the fridge and shut the door so hard the

jelly jars clink inside. “Well, I couldn’t keep up with the varsity

runners at cross- country practice— again.” I yank off the yogurt

lid, splattering pink yogurt slime all over the kitchen island.

Mom winces and reaches for a paper towel.

“It’s not fair,” I say, grabbing a spoon and stirring so hard a wet

strawberry sloshes over the rim. “The varsity girls are all laughing

and messing around, like, la-di-da, running is easy— and there I

am, killing myself to keep up. But ever since I got sick, I just can’t.”

I shove yogurt into my mouth and discover how hard it is to eat

when you’re trying not to cry.

“Oh, honey, it’s not your fault you got sick. Besides,” she says,

turning to dump the carrots into a pot, “maybe God just gave

those other girls really good running genes.”

Anger flares inside, a hot streak that burns. “Well, if that’s true,

that makes it worse. That means God made me slow on purpose!

That’s so”— I choke back the word mean, because I’m pretty sure

it’s a sin to call God mean—“unfair.” Even as the word leaves

my mouth, I feel the twist of guilt inside. Mom presses her lips

together. I can tell she wants to correct me, but she’s holding back.

“Sorry,” I mumble, shoving more yogurt into my mouth. But

I still feel that way.

ALL THE FEELS FOR TEENS

“Well, how was your math test?” Mom asks. I see what she’s

doing, trying to distract me, but I am determined to be miserable.

“Horrible.”

“Really?” Mom’s eyebrows shoot up. “Usually you—”

“I know,” I moan. More shame weighing me down inside, like

I just ate bricks instead of yogurt. I picture the homework assign-

ments I’ve been letting slide, thinking I didn’t need the practice.

“I’m falling apart.”

To her eternal credit, Mom doesn’t push for more information.

She doesn’t ask why I did badly on the test or heap more guilt on

me. She starts pulling plates from cabinets and setting the dinner

table. I don’t offer to help; I just stand there staring at my yogurt,

thinking how the strawberry blobs look like pieces of my heart,

cut up and mashed and stirred around.

Suddenly Mom speaks again, sounding chipper. “Hey, it’s

Thursday! Don’t you have a phone date with Jack tonight? That

always makes you feel better.” She wiggles her eyebrows happily...

hopefully.

I throw my head back. “Ughhhhh,” I groan at the ceiling.

Mom’s hopeful smile wilts. “Oh. I thought you’d be excited.”

“Last week his friend was over, and they put me on speaker

and spent the whole time making stupid jokes. It was like I wasn’t

even on the phone— I could have hung up and they never would

have noticed.”

“Well, have you told him how it makes you feel when he does

that?”

“No. How can I say anything with Captain Dunderhead, his

annoying friend, listening in the whole time?”

Mom’s lips flatten into a line, and she turns to the sink; I see

her shoulders rise and fall in a sigh. I slump onto the counter

and bury my face in my arms. My voice is muffled, and I’m

glad, because my words are awful. “Lately I feel like God doesn’t

ELIZABETH LAING THOMPSON

care about my life. Sometimes I think he doesn’t want me to be

happy.”

I wait for Mom to object, say something comforting, but

there’s only silence. I peek one eye up at her. “I’m horrible for

saying that. And the Captain Dunderhead thing was mean. And

now you’re mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you.” Mom spins back around to look at me,

strangling a dish towel in her hands. “I just wish— I wish you

weren’t so negative about everything. You won’t let anyone help

you.”

“That’s not true,” I mutter, but my words sound weak even to

my own ears. “You help me.” I push up onto my elbows.

Mom tilts her head down and gives me a look.

“Please don’t be mad,” I beg, feeling tears sting the backs of my

eyes. “I can’t have you mad at me on top of the Worst Day Ever.

That would take it to even more epic levels of worst- ness.”

Mom takes a deep breath. “I’m not mad, I’m just— I feel help-

less. All you do is vent, and you don’t really listen.”

“I listen,” I sniff.

The look again. I never knew eyebrows could be sarcastic.

“I’m listening now,” I say, crossing my arms.

“I want you to know that all this”— she waves her hands in

circles—“is just temporary. It’s just feelings.” When I make a noise

of protest, she puts her palms up. “I’m not saying it isn’t real. It’s

just not as bad as you’re making it. You have a good life! You love

God, and God loves you, and even if you’re not running varsity or

acing math, you can still be happy.”

I shrug, trying to hear her, trying not to feel like the whole

world is falling apart and God is against me and life is going to

stink forever and ever.

“How about you go pray for a few minutes and then come

down for dinner?” Mom finally says.

ALL THE FEELS FOR TEENS

“Okay.” I don’t say what I’m thinking: God feels far away right

now. I want to feel close, but when I’m like this, I’m not so sure

God wants to hear from me. But out loud I say, “I’ll try.”

WHO’S IN CHARGE HERE?

Welcome to an inside look at my angsty teen years. Talk about all

the feels, all the time. Does any of this sound— or maybe I should

say feel— familiar?

If you ask any of your friends what their number one prob-

lem is in life, they might mention insecurity, anxiety, boys, school

stress, friend problems, family issues, or worries about college and

the future. Or they might mention depression or bullying or body-

image concerns. But guess what all those problems have in com-

mon? They all deal with feelings.

If you’re anything like me, some days your feelings fluctuate

so dramatically you almost get whiplash. You can go from feeling

giddy to anxious to insecure to in love— oops, wait, just kidding,

not in love at all; what was I thinking?— to chill to stressed to

ecstatic to depressed to in love with God to meh about God to

needing your parents to wishing you could move out of your par-

ents’ house forever, all in a span of hours... sometimes minutes.

During middle and high school, most days I felt like my emo-

tions were controlling me rather than the other way around. I

wanted to be happy and at peace, I wanted to feel close to God and

be a strong Christian, I wanted to be an unselfish daughter and

sister and friend... but it often felt like my feelings were getting in

the way, making me do and say things I didn’t want to do and say.

Sometimes I felt out of control, overwhelmed, and frustrated. I felt

stuck. I had this picture in my mind of the kind of Christian—

and person— I wanted to be, but the real me didn’t always match

that picture. I wanted to be different, to feel different, but I didn’t

know how.

ELIZABETH LAING THOMPSON

There’s good news for those of us who love God and seek

to follow his ways. You might be surprised to hear this, but the

Bible has a lot to say about our feelings. It tells us which feelings

are godly and good for us, and it even gives us ideas for how to

encourage those feelings to grow. The Bible also tells us which

emotions we need to watch out for— which ones can hurt us if

they get out of control— and gives us ideas for how we can limit

or avoid them. The Bible can help us learn how to work on our

feelings— to take charge of them, instead of letting them push

us around.

I know what you’re thinking: Take charge of my feelings? What

does that even mean? We can’t do anything to change our feelings.

Feelings are just... there. We don’t have any control over what we

feel, when we feel it, and how strongly we feel it... right?

Actually, believe it or not, you and I have the chance to take

charge of our emotions. We can learn how to keep our feelings

from jerking us around all the time.

In the chapters to come, I can’t wait to introduce you to some

of the Scriptures and strategies that kept me going through high

school. (Truth? They keep me going even now!) The more I’ve

gotten to know my Bible, the more I’ve realized that God has

something to say about every imaginable emotion. No matter what

we feel, God understands, and he has put his counsel in his Word

to help us. His guidance can transform the way we handle our

feelings— and the way we feel from day to day.

IN GOD’S IMAGE

Did you know that our God is emotional too? He’s not just some

terrifying Judge in the Sky, peering down on the planet from his

ginormous wooden bench, waiting to bang his gavel and toss us in

spiritual jail when we mess up. Far from it! Our God is passionate

and compassionate. Like us, he mourns; like us, he rejoices; like

ALL THE FEELS FOR TEENS

What Does God Say about Emotions?

Sometimes God wants us to feel certain emotions—and sometimes he doesn’t. Thankfully, the Bible helps us tell the difference.

Write your answers below, including Bible verses that support your conclusion.

GOD WANTS US TO FEEL

THIS EMOTION . . .

Always

Sometimes

Rarely

Never

SCRIPTURE THAT EXPLAINS YOUR ANSWER

Joy

Fear

Pride

Humility

Confidence

Anger

Tip: If you get stuck, try looking up these verses. You may find that some of these emotions are complicated—sometimes God

wants us to feel them, and sometimes he doesn’t! This isn’t about right and wrong; it’s about thinking through our emotions, and

about the heart.

Psalm 71:5

Psalm 118:6

Proverbs 1:7

Proverbs 15:18

Proverbs 16:18

Mark 3:5

Galatians 6:4

Ephesians 4:2

Ephesians 4:26

Philippians 2:3-4

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

1 John 4:18

us, he feels all the feels. After all, he invented feelings. Take a look

at this description of God the Father:

As high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his lovefor those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west,

so far has he removed our transgressionsfrom us.

As a father has compassionon his children,

so theLhas compassion on those who fear him.

PSALM 103:11-13

God loves wild and big just like we do! And check out that line

near the end: “As a father has compassion on his children, so the

L has compassion on those who fear him.” Do you grasp what

a wondrous, mind- blowing truth that is? Almighty God, Maker

of heaven and earth, has compassion on you. In other words, he

cares about your feelings. He cares when you’re happy. He cares

when you’re stressed. He cares when you’re lonely or overwhelmed

or insecure.

Did you know God counts your tears and holds them in his

hands?

You keep track of all my sorrows.

You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

You have recorded each one in your book.

PSALM 56:8, n l t

But he doesn’t stop there. God doesn’t just care about your

feelings and tears; he invites you to talk to him about them— and

I mean all your feelings, even the not- so- righteous ones. Even the

embarrassing ones. The book of Psalms is filled with examples of

emotional people talking to God about their true feelings— raw

ALL THE FEELS FOR TEENS

feelings, desperate feelings, sometimes even sinful feelings— in

prayer.

You and I can do the same. That problem you’re having with

friends? That issue with your mom? That secret temptation you

don’t know how to talk about? God invites you to talk to him

about all of it. He loves the real you— the you with no makeup,

no filters, and no retakes. He longs to hear from you— and help

you— wherever you are.

THE ROAD AHEAD

In this book we’re going to take a close look at what the Bible has

to say about feelings. First, we’ll examine what God has to say

about emotions in general. God himself gave us our emotions,

so naturally, he knows how to help us experience them in healthy

ways. Can we trust our feelings? Are some feelings good and some

not- so- good? Should we encourage ourselves to feel some emo-

tions, and should we limit or avoid others? And how in the world

do we learn how to do that?

From there we’ll take a closer look at some of the specific dif-

ficult feelings that can plague us: insecurity, loneliness, anxiety,

sadness, anger, envy, stress. God has things to say about each of

those emotions, and I have some practical, Bible- based tips you

can apply on your own when you’re feeling that way.

As you read, you’ll realize that your emotions may be unruly

and annoying at times, but they aren’t your enemy. In fact, with

time and attention, your emotions can become strengths! They

can become one of the most sparkling, unique parts of who you

are and how you honor God. God has made every one of us with

the capacity for big feelings, and he has plans for how he wants to

use our feelings for his glory:

•

Our compassion can help us comfort hurting friends.

ELIZABETH LAING THOMPSON

•

Our sorrow can help us heal when we’ve been hurt.

•

Our stress (believe it or not!) can help us get things done.

•

Our joy can light others’ lives.

And on and on go the possibilities.

I started the journey of working on my feelings in middle school

and high school, and the truth is, I’m still working on my feelings!

Emotional growth isn’t something we move beyond. You’re going

to have feelings (including some big ones) for the rest of your life.

The sooner you start learning how to manage them, the more bal-

anced and, yes, happy your life is going to be.

I’m not promising that reading this book will make you feel

like you’re cartwheeling through fields of flowers all day every day

for the rest of your life, but I do promise that you can grow. You

can learn to handle stress better. You can work through anxious

thoughts and sad times with the help of God and his Word. You

can make wise decisions using your heart and your head— and

your Bible. You can better handle the temptation to be insecure

or self- consumed or jealous or fill- in- the- blank with the emotion

that tempts you most. You can find more happy and become more

holy. You can feel closer to God.

Like me, maybe you feel excited about the journey to come.

Nervous about the need to grow. Hopeful about making changes.

Eager, insecure, understood, comforted, intimidated, encour-

aged... well, you know... all the feels.

FEELING YOUR WAY FORWARD

At the end of every chapter, you’ll find ideas for applying what

you’ve learned.

The journal prompts are questions that will help you think

about how the things you learn in this book might apply to your

daily life. I am a huge fan of writing down your answers. I’ve found

ALL THE FEELS FOR TEENS

that the act of moving a pen across paper cements truth more

deeply into our hearts and memories— plus, it gives us a record of

our thoughts and growth so we can look back and see how God

has worked over time.

The prayer prompts are passages from the Bible, particularly

the Psalms, that communicate various emotions. You can borrow

the psalmists’ exact words to pray, or you can use them to help

inspire your own prayers.

Last, you will find a list of Scriptures about specific feelings— a

different feeling for each chapter. These are some of my lifeline

Scriptures— verses I cling to when all the feels start firing inside

and I need the Bible to ground me. I hope these verses will become

lifelines for you too.

Journal Prompts

1. Which emotions do you enjoy feeling the most? Which

do you find the most difficult or painful?

2. How do you feel about talking to God honestly about

your emotions and struggles?

3. How would you describe your overall emotional state in

the past month?

4. What emotion would you most like to grow in?

5. If you could change one thing about the way you feel

right now, what would it be? Why?

Prayer Prompt

Search me,God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive wayin me,

and lead mein the way everlasting.

PSALM 139:23-24

ELIZABETH LAING THOMPSON

Lifelines

Five Scriptures to read when you’re anxious:

1. Psalm 131

2. Psalm 37:3-6

3. Psalm 25:4-6

4. Matthew 10:28-31

5. 1 Peter 5:7

ALL THE FEELS FOR TEENS

CHAPTER 2

FINDING YOUR FEELING TYPE

I’m hiding in my room. Music playing, lights down low, sunset

torching the treetops outside my bedroom with golden fire. I’m

lying still on my bed, but my thoughts are hardly still. They’re

swirling, looping, and making me miserable.

“How are you?” Mom asked me half an hour ago, with that

worried crease between her eyes.

I shrugged. “Fine.”

Mom raised one eyebrow and made her skeptical face, her I

totally don’t believe you face.

I forced a smile that I knew probably made me look consti-

pated. “I’m fine. I just need some time alone.”

So now here I am, lying on my bed, fine and not fine all at

the same time. I’m upset, and I don’t even know why. I search my

memories:

I said the wrong thing to Sadie today. I’m pretty sure I hurt her

feelings. She’s totally annoyed. She’ll act all weird tomorrow, and we

have every class together, so the whole day will be messed up. She won’t

ask me for the daily Jack update....

The very thought of Jack makes my stomach twist and my

cheeks feel hot. I picture his crooked smile, his eyes bright blue—

I haven’t seen them in person since we moved, but I look at his

picture more times a day than I’d like to admit.

Speaking of Jack... why hasn’t he called? He always calls on

Thursdays, but he didn’t last night. He’s seemed so distracted the last

few times we’ve talked. Is he starting to forget me? Are we over?

My stomach gives a painful lurch. He’s probably forgetting me. I’m

totally forgettable. I’m not very funny, I’m not especially pretty, I only

listen to dorky ’80s music, I read way too much, and I’m kind of a nerd.

I smack my hands over my face and groan. Geez, I’m so selfish.

All I’m doing is lying here thinking about myself and my problems.

God wouldn’t want me to do this. He would want me to.. . well, I’m

not sure what he’d want me to do. Read my Bible, maybe? Go save

the world or something? A guilty feeling worms its way into my

stomach, making me feel a little sick.

My mother’s muffled voice drifts up the stairs and into my

room: Mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-TABLE-mwa-mwa?

I grimace. She probably needs help setting the table.

A little voice I’m pretty sure is my conscience pipes up: Maybe

God wants you to go help your mom. You could go set the table...

I grimace even more.

I’m not even sure that’s what she said. If I go out of my room, I’ll

have to talk to people.

My conscience gives me a kick in the gut, but I shove it away.

Nah. I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear her. I’d rather lie here alone

thinking. Thinking and feeling. Feeling sad, feeling lonely, feeling

dumb...

***

ALL THE FEELS FOR TEENS

Ever had a day like this? Or a season like this? Everything is wrong

and nothing is wrong, all at the same time. Life isn’t terrible or

anything, but you just Can’t. Stop. Feeling.

You’re happy- sad- lonely- insecure- annoyed- bored- antsy- giddy-

unmotivated- excited, all at the same time. You want... some-

thing... but you couldn’t even say what it is you want.

You long to be close to God— somehow you know he’s the

answer to all these feelings swirling inside— and some days you

feel connected to him, but other times he feels so far away. So

theoretical. God feels very Sunday morning... but your real life

is lived Monday through Friday, and there’s never enough Saturday

thrown in.

EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD

For my thirteenth birthday, I got my ears double- pierced. It was

kind of the Big Thing to Do in my town at the time, and I felt

fabulously sophisticated. But new holes in my ears weren’t the only

new thing that came with the territory of being thirteen. Before I

could say “hormones,” I’d started dealing with more feelings than

I knew how to name, much less deal with.

Not all of those emotions were bad. Some days I was so excited

I didn’t understand why I didn’t float off the planet and drift into

space. I could hardly contain the joy and hope and life- is- gonna-

be- amazing I felt inside. Other days I was insecure and lonely—I’m

the only person who’s ever thought this, felt this. No one understands.

No one cares. Some days a black cloud followed me around, Eeyore-

style. Everyone else was living in sunshine, but I couldn’t escape

the shadows. I was sad and anxious and felt like crying, and I had

no idea why.

Welcome to life with all the feels all the time.

Over time, as I grew in Christ (and in life), I began to realize

that I didn’t have to be pushed around by my feelings; I actually

ELIZABETH LAING THOMPSON

had the ability to take charge of them. With God’s help, we can

develop our emotional strength and discover all kinds of beauty

and joy in the way he designed us.

It might surprise you to hear this, but your feelings are a gift

from God. A gift, not a curse! He himself designed your person-

ality and feelings style. When you were still growing inside your

mother’s body, God intentionally, painstakingly, and with so much

joy it probably made the angels sing, created you just the way he

wanted you to be.

The Bible puts it this way:

You created my inmost being;

you knit me togetherin my mother’s womb.

I praise youbecause I am fearfully and wonderfully

made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was madein the secret place,

when I was woven togetherin the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordainedfor me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

PSALM 139:13-16

And did you know that God himself is deeply emotional?

Feelings are not a bad thing— in fact, when we feel deeply, we echo

the heartbeat of our Father in heaven! Take a look at this passage

from Scripture and all the feelings God demonstrates:

I will tell of theL’s unfailing love.

I will praise theLfor all he has done.

ALL THE FEELS FOR TEENS

I will rejoice in his great goodness to Israel,

which he has granted according to his mercy and love.

He said, “They are my very own people.

Surely they will not betray me again.”

And he became their Savior.

In all their suffering he also suffered,

and he personallyrescued them.

In his love and mercy he redeemed them.

He lifted them up and carried them

through all the years.

But they rebelled against him

and grieved his Holy Spirit.

ISAIAH 63:7-10, n l t

In these few lines, we see God feeling all the feels, just like

we do. He feels compassion for his people— intense affection and

loyalty. When his people suffer, he hurts along with them; he loves

them so much he comes to rescue them at great personal cost. He

picks them up and carries them close, like a father carrying his

daughter in his arms. They are my very own people, he thinks. They

have no reason to betray me. But then they do reject and betray him,

and he feels hurt, disappointed, and sad.

•

If you’ve ever loved someone who let you down, God

understands.

•

If you’ve ever loved someone who didn’t love you back,

God understands.

•

If you’ve ever felt rejected and alone, God understands.

•

If you’ve ever given your whole heart till you could hardly

contain all the love swelling inside, God understands.

•

If you’ve ever cared so much that you sacrificed so someone

else could be happy, God understands.

ELIZABETH LAING THOMPSON

When you feel all those big feelings, the positive and the nega-

tive, the fun and not- so- fun, you’re not just being, you know, a

teenager— you’re being the emotional person God made you to be.

You are being like God. Feeling like God.

WHAT KIND OF FEELER ARE YOU?

God made us each different, and there are different types of feelers

in the world. Maybe, like me, you’re a big feeler. You feel all the

feelings, all the day long.

You don’t just feel happy— you feel happy with a parade and

ice cream and fireworks inside. You don’t just feel sad— the world

is ending and there’s no hope and how can you even get out

of bed and do school tomorrow? You don’t just feel insecure—

you’re the only person in the whole world who has ever felt the

way you do, and if anyone knew what you were really thinking,

they’d banish you from Planet Earth and send you to live alone

onMars.

As a big feeler, you need help figuring out what to do with

these gorilla- sized emotions so they don’t go stomping all over

your life, wrecking your peace, crushing your relationships, and

destroying everything in sight. You need to figure out how to

handle it when your feelings go roller coaster on you. How to

respond when you feel overwhelmed. How to live your life with-

out being bossed around by your feelings. Even if you aren’t a

big feeler, maybe someone close to you is— a parent, a sibling,

a close friend— and the intensity of their emotions sometimes

leaks into your life and complicates it. Makes it messy. Confuses

you. Even hurts you. You need to know what to do when other

people’s big feelings affect your life.

Or maybe you’re more of a steady feeler. Most days life is

good, you feel fine, and you can work through your problems

with your head on straight. But sometimes life gets crazy, friends

ALL THE FEELS FOR TEENS

act crazy, and crazy- big feelings come banging on the door of

your heart. You need help knowing what to do with big feelings

when they come and how to bring your emotions to God.

Maybe you’re a reluctant feeler. You prefer thinking to feel-

ing, thank you very much. Logic is way better than emotion. You

want life to make sense and be fair and orderly. Maybe feelings

confuse you, so you try to ignore them— sometimes you even

pretend you don’t have them. Maybe you need help figuring out

what you feel and how to put it into words. You want to learn

more about emotions— don’t worry; we’re talking fist bumps,

not hugs— and figure out what your faith has to do with your

feelings.

Each type of feeler is made by God, loved by God, and liked

by God. Each of the different feeling types needs the others—

just imagine how dramatic the world would be if we were all big

feelers! Big feelers need the steady and reluctant feelers to provide

balance and perspective. Likewise, the steady and reluctant feelers

need the big feelers to help them feel more, risk more, give more.

God designed you the way you are, and he likes you that way. He

made you that way because he has plans for your personality, your

gifts, and your life.

Me? I’m a Big Feeler, with a capital B, a capital F, and extra-

bold font. If feelings were animals, mine would be a ginormous

gorilla, climbing buildings and taking over the city, not to mention

my life. And if you’ve ever seen one of the old King Kong movies,

you know that King Kong wasn’t bad— he was just big. Big and

misunderstood. And when he was misunderstood— well, things

got messy.

It took me half a million years to figure out where all my deep

feelings fit into my walk with Christ. To realize that our faith is

exactly the place— the best place!— to process all our feelings.

ELIZABETH LAING THOMPSON

Quiz: What Kind of Feeler Are You?

Let’s get started by taking a little self- test to figure out your “feelings type.”

Take a look at these ten statements and mark how often you feel that way:

almost always, sometimes, or rarely. Give yourself three points for every

“Almost always,” two points for every “Sometimes,” and one point for

“Rarely.” Then take a look at the key at the bottom to find your feelings style!

So what kind of feeler are you? A big feeler, a steady feeler, or

a reluctant feeler? Is your feelings style super obvious, or are you

on the border between types? If you’re on the border, it may be

because you are still figuring yourself out and developing your

WHAT KIND OF FEELER ARE YOU?

Almost

always

Sometimes

Rarely

1. I have difficulty separating facts from feelings.

2. I am easily overwhelmed.

3. People tell me I am too sensitive.

4. I experience mood swings.

5. I am profoundly moved by beauty or art.

6. I feel others’ pain as if it were my own.

7. I easily put myself in other people’s shoes.

8. I struggle to shake a mood when it hits.

9. Gut feelings and instinct play a role in my

decision-making.

10. I find it easy to connect with God in worship

and prayer.

SUBTOTAL

TOTAL

KEY

Almost always = 3

Sometimes = 2

Rarely = 1

RESULTS

23+ = big feeler

15–22 = steady feeler

10–14 = reluctant feeler

ALL THE FEELS FOR TEENS

style— and that’s totally fine! You don’t have to have yourself all fig-

ured out right now— you’ll get to know yourself better over time,

with a lot of “ ooh- I- finally- understand- why- I- do- that” moments

along the way.

SUPERSIZE ME!

There’s one thing to keep in mind as you figure out your feelings

style. Even if you’re naturally more of a steady feeler or a reluctant

feeler, you are probably going to have a lot of big feelings during

your teen years. In other words, you’ll probably experience some

moments as a part- time big feeler, even if your “ full- time” feelings

style is more steady or reluctant. Even if you spend most days

avoiding strong emotions or just humming steadily along, you’ll

still have moments when big feelings fly, thanks to these lovely

things called hormones.

Can we pause for a second to talk about hormones? I like to

think of hormones as having the “Supersize Me” effect. When I

was in high school, McDonald’s had four sizes of French fries:

small, medium, large, and Supersize. Every time you went through

the drive- thru and ordered fries, they would ask, “Do you want

to Supersize that?” My answer was always a loud yes, because who

doesn’t want more fries? You can never have too many fries!

Teenage hormones work kind of the same way, except they

don’t give you much choice. Every time you have a feeling, whether

it’s positive or negative, your hormones are like, Let’s Supersize that

feeling! Because just a little joy won’t do— let’s break into full- on

song and dance! And just a little worry won’t do— utter panic and

freak- out is way more exciting! And while we’re at it, make that a

double serving of anger and insecurity!

But as you work your way through this book, you’ll find that

you actually can say no to Supersizing your emotions. It’s not

always easy, but with the Bible and some basic strategies, you can

ELIZABETH LAING THOMPSON

keep your emotional “orders” down to a reasonable size, one that

won’t give you a stomachache. (But I still say you should order as

many french fries as you want from McDonald’s!)

FINDING YOUR GIFTS

Whichever type you are, God made you that way, and you have

emotional strengths and gifts to offer the people in your life. Let’s

take a look at the emotional gifts of each feeling type.

What Reluctant Feelers Have to Offer

•

Reluctant feelers help people through hard times. You

may be the person your friends turn to when they’re upset,

because they know you’ll stay calm and rational.

•

Reluctant feelers focus on what’s right. You rarely get

caught up in gossip, arguments, and drama, and you aren’t

afraid to speak up for what’s right.

•

Reluctant feelers are problem solvers. You are great in a

crisis because you can see past the feelings and drama that

may distract bigger feelers.

•

Reluctant feelers help more emotional people get along.

Chances are, you are a peacemaker, a guide, and a leader.

What Steady Feelers Have to Offer

•

Steady feelers help other people manage their feelings.

You are sympathetic and strong at the same time. This

allows you to comfort friends who are experiencing intense

emotions without getting overwhelmed yourself.

•

Steady feelers can fill a lot of roles. Most likely you are

asympathetic listener and a good problem solver.

•

Steady feelers meet people’s needs with compassion.

Because you know what it’s like to feel anxious or insecure

or discouraged yourself, you are able to make hurting

ALL THE FEELS FOR TEENS

people feel understood while still making decisions and

helping out.

•

Steady feelers motivate and inspire. You are great at

connecting on a heart level even as you think, plan, andact.

What Big Feelers Have to Offer

•

Big feelers help people understand one another. You serve

as a bridge between people. You are great at explaining,

“This is what So- and- So is feeling, and this is why.”

•

Big feelers help people celebrate. You know how to make

memories out of moments and savor the good things,

which makes you an expert in joy.

•

Big feelers feel— and demonstrate— love. When you love,

you go all in. And I’m talking about all types of loves, not

just romantic love. By showing love— big, brave love— you

reflect God’s heart.

•

Big feelers model vulnerability. You have the capacity for

putting feelings into words. You share the deep parts of

your soul and help others to do the same.

In the pages to come, I pray you will become more confident

in the person God designed you to be— and draw closer to your

Designer. I hope you will be giddy- excited about all the great plans

God has for you and all the ways he wants to use you and your

one- of- a- kind personality and heart.

FANNING YOUR GIFTS INTO FLAME

The apostle Peter encouraged us to use our gifts for God and his

people:

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received

to serve others,as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its

ELIZABETH LAING THOMPSON

various forms.If anyone speaks, they should do so as

one who speaks the very words of God.If anyone serves,

they should do so with the strength God provides,so

that in all things God may be praisedthrough Jesus

Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and

ever. Amen.

1 PETER 4:10-11

Your feelings and design are God’s grace to you— and through

you, they are God’s grace to other people. God wants you to fan

your gifts, including your emotional strengths, into flame (see

2Timothy 1:6)— to use them to honor him and serve people.

If you have a heart filled with compassion, share it with the big-

heartedness God has given you. If your insights help you notice

other people’s needs, offer your insights with confidence. If your

sense of justice inspires you to serve, meet others’ needs with God’s

strength!

Are you ready to give? Ready to shine? We can all develop and

use our strengths to serve God. Let’s find out how!

FEELING YOUR WAY FORWARD

Journal Prompts

1. Do you like being the kind of feeler God made you to be?

Why or why not?

2. What are your strengths when it comes to emotions? How

might you share them more often at home? With friends?

3. Describe a time when you used your gifts to help

someone else. How did you feel?

ALL THE FEELS FOR TEENS

Prayer Prompt

You knit me togetherin my mother’s womb.

I praise youbecause I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

PSALM 139:13-14

Lifelines

Five Scriptures to read when you’re insecure:

1. Psalm 71:5

2. Psalm 139:13-16

3. Ephesians 1:3-6

4. Romans 8:14-17

5. 1 Peter 2:9

ELIZABETH LAING THOMPSON